


heavy is as heavy does.

by cl3rks



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Angst With Absolutely No Happy Ending, Child Abandonment, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, F/M, GOD THIS FUCKING HURTS, Gender-Specific, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Parent-Child Relationship, Reader Has Female Parts/Pronouns, Reader-Insert, Seth Loves The F-Word, Sexual References, Smoking, Swearing, True Love, Underage Drinking, Waterworks Have Begun, Why Did I Write This?, Young Seth Gecko, don't put yourself through it, if you don't think you can suffer the turmoil, im so sorry, jesus where do i begin, seth got drunk and proclaimed his love, the child-abandonment isn't exactly child-abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:33:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10028495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cl3rks/pseuds/cl3rks
Summary: He didn't deserve her, and fate seemed to agree.[Listen to: Menomena - Heavy Is As Heavy Does : to make it even more painful.]





	

**Author's Note:**

> god this is painful???? i wrote this in the past hour (it's 10:22 pm rn) and my heart hurts. i'm sitting here recovering from sobbing because this is so painful. this started out cute and fucking turned dark REAL quick. also this doesn't fit the exact timeline of fdtd:ts sooooo
> 
> warnings:  
> \- sexual references / blatantly sexual things  
> \- swearing  
> \- smoking  
> \- alcohol mention  
> \- a little Surprise  
> \- things that could actually make you feel the same way? throat tightening, nausea, and tears are all things thrown around in this. (read at your own risk.)  
> \- blood, gore (not really)
> 
> if this were a video game, the words "WORST POSSIBLE FUCKING ENDING HAS BEEN REACHED" would be across the screen.

He was twenty when he met her, not even able to legally drink yet – not that a _law_ could stop him – and he felt something almost immediately. She was as young as he was. 

Her eyes were just as innocent as she was, and she spoke innocent promises even as he loomed over her at two in the morning when they both couldn’t sleep, his right hand around her throat with his left entwined with her right and her left digging half-moons into his muscular chest as he fucked her into the mattress. Her moans cut off and gaspy as he groaned and swore, lighting up a cigarette once they'd both finished and watching her pluck it from his grasp and take a long drag.

He liked her that way, _especially_ that way. 

He liked when he’d wake up beside her, watching her sleep peacefully for just a little while because she’d have to go to her job and he’d have to go back to his little brother.

 _God,_ Seth Gecko just wanted one fucking break in this life. He just wanted to be able to hold her just a _little_ longer and kiss her just a _little_ longer and love her and fuck her just a _little_ longer. 

He wanted to be able to be there when she fell asleep and be there when she woke, kissing her all over her face because that was _cute_ and she loved it and would giggle and cover her face and pretend to fight him on it, weakly pushing his chest because it’d make him do it more.

He wanted to be there every day when she cooked a damn tasty breakfast, the summer-like lunches or those delicious dinners that she seemed to pull out of thin air.

He wanted to be there with her, all day – every day. He loved her and this _bullshit_ went on for three years before he actually told her he loved her, even though she knew he did and he knew he did.

She’d said it much earlier than him, but she was patient. He didn’t deserve that.

He wanted to be able to tell her he’d back sooner than he knew he would, he wanted to be able to say everything would be alright while he was gone and she’d nod and kiss him like it was the first time she ever had and the last time she ever would.

She always did that, it knocked the air out of Seth’s lungs and rattled him to his core when she’d hug him tight and say... _"You take care of you, I’ve got me.”_

He didn’t deserve that. She deserved to know what he did and where he went. She opened her heart to him, her home to him and her legs, as her friend said during an outing which caused her to scowl and go off to the restroom.

Seth could hear her crying through the door, and he knew why she was.

That’s all anyone thought it was. Some punky guy she’d met looking for a lay that stayed in one spot, and his heart ached and he wanted to throw up and cry with her for fuck’s sake because what else could he do? It wasn’t true, they both knew that but it always weighed heavy, and heavy is as heavy does.

He didn’t deserve her tears, her love, her home, her life or her heart.

But she thought he did.

She was so patient and when he yelled because of Richie, she listened and when he drank too much, she settled him into bed and made sure he had medicine and water on the nightstand for the morning. She was so fucking good to him, and he felt he could never repay her.

He did it in weird ways – gently kissing her knuckles when she cried, swatting at her ass in a playful manor while she cooked breakfast in _just_ his shirt, yelling her name as his love for her on top of her apartment building in a drunken-stupor as she shushed him and threw her head back, howling with laughter and _“(Y/N), you’re the fuckin’ light of my life so I’m gonna sing you this song I didn’t even write and will probably butcher, but fuck, baby, I love you.“_ There were so many other things, but it never really felt like enough… but to her it was.

He didn’t deserve this, or her.

He left one time and he was gone for _so_ long. He’d told her he’d be back in a few months, something usually saved for long hauls with Richie. She didn’t even frown or pout for a second, she just nodded and kissed him and hugged him and told him to be careful and patted his chest lightly, digging her nails in when he reached down and grabbed her waist tightly.

He wanted to cry every time she did this.

She said when he’d come back, she’d have a surprise for him and would only tell him when he got back.

He didn’t deserve her patience, because when he came back it had been a little over a year and he called out to her, surprised his key still worked. He heard a strangled shout and fuck, she should’ve changed the locks and ditched his fucking ass. 

She should have moved on – should’ve _moved_ period but she didn’t. She stayed and waited.

So patient, always so _patient_ with him and his heart broke when he walked into the kitchen. He knew she was in there, the delicious smell of her homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese wafting through the place as he got closer. He missed it and even though he had two burgers on the way back, his stomach found room and grumbled for the much anticipated meal.

He came into the kitchen, giving a joking – “Honey, I’m home.” 

His duffel bag slipped off his shoulder with one tug from his left hand and he watched as she shifted something on her hip and turned.

He wanted to fucking _puke_ when he saw what it was, but not from disgust.

Seth Gecko was a _prick._

His eyes teared up and his throat felt constricted and all he could do was point for a moment. “Is that…?” 

She nodded slowly, watching the baby with such dark eyes and dark hair babble towards her father as he stood in the doorway, completely locked up. “Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, shaking his head and whole body.

“It’s fine.” She assured, turning off the stove so the soup wouldn’t burn at the bottom.

“It isn’t.” Seth mumbled, stepping closer to meet her as the baby looked up at him. “Looks like me.”

“Yeah, dumbass, I wonder why.” (Y/N) joked, rolling her eyes as she adjusted the baby. “Her name is Hope.”

(Her mother told him – after yelling at him – that (Y/N) named her Hope not only because it was a miracle she was delivered _alive_ but because somehow, the darling woman he loved still held out hope that he’d come back one day to see her, to see the baby.)

“She’s beautiful.” He whispered still, his hand going to touch her head before he pulled it back, suddenly afraid of hurting her. 

(Y/N) seemed to catch on and smiled a little, handing Hope to Seth as he gasped, making little broken sounds as she stared up at him. Her tiny hands pressed to his jaw and her feet kicked out as she giggled happily and he started crying and there was relief in it as he did. 

“Seth – you okay?” She asked softly.

“I don’t deserve her, I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your love, I left for a year and barely called.”

“You called me every week.”

“Should’ve been every day – every _fuckin’,_ oh _shit,_ sorry, Hope. I’m sorry baby-girl, I didn’t mean for you to hear that. Jus’ one of my favorite words is all.”

(Y/N) laughed at his franticness, placing her right hand to his face. “I would yell at you, but you’re holding our baby and you usually put your hands up and wave around defensively.”

Seth laughed too, his tears falling onto Hope as she stared at him quizzically. 

He didn’t deserve the two of them. He watched Hope grow and loved seeing (Y/N) holding her, especially in the summer, ‘cause she was always in those little denim shorts she wore and that one tank top of his that she tied at the end. (Y/N) loved watching him with that look in his eyes, that _fondness_ as he watched her stir a pot of _soup_ , and he had on some blue jeans and a tank top, too, because that’s how summer was for them. 

Hot and dangerous.

He loved them so much and they loved him.

But he didn’t deserve them and sometimes he thinks fate agreed with him. 

His past caught up with him and he went to check on Hope and (Y/N) after a job, bickering with Richie as his brother helped with his bags. He smelled soup but something was wrong – it was burning; he could smell it from the front door. He could hear the sizzling coming from the stove as the pot boiled over and leaked onto the flames. She never let soup burn, she never let _anything_ burn. 

“Something’s wrong.” He vocalized, dropping his bags. He ran to the kitchen and just as it had happened years ago, his throat closed and tears sprang to his eyes and he wanted to puke. He gathered her – (Y/N) – in his arms as Richie came up behind him. “No, baby, please.”

She was _covered_ in blood and she had a knife in her hand, her eyes were dull as she was breathing so shallowly and Seth shook her. “Hope.” She whispered, her voice hoarse from a neck wound. “Hiding. So little. Too much blood.”

Seth croaked out Hope’s name, watching (Y/N) as she stared up at him. She smiled slightly, blood staining her teeth as she did. “Protected her, just like you would.”

“Should’a been here.” Seth cried, watching her as Richie dialed the police. “Hope!”

“They’re on their way.” Richie assured.

He heard a broken sob leave (Y/N). “She’s alright.” Pause. “Jus’ scared – so many. Dunno how they got in, locked everything… did everything...”

“You did perfect, baby. Please hold on for a bit, alright?”

“I love y-ou.” She hiccuped, staring up at him. “Always have. Protect my baby.”

“No, you can help. Gotta stay with me.” Seth told her, pressing a hand to her throat to try and stop some bleeding. She had so many wounds, too many to cover. He could hear sirens. “Please, baby, gotta stay with me.”

“You take care of you, I've got me.” She sighed, drawing out the words as she leaned her head back, wincing. She brought a bloody hand up to gently pat his chest. He leaned down and kissed her, like it was the first time and (without a doubt) the last time he ever would. “I’ll be waitin’ for you, but don’t make your shit quick.”

“No, what the fuck? Don’t fuckin’ talk like this, you’ll be okay, you’ll be fine.” _Liar. Liar! LIAR!_ “Please, the ambulance will be here soon.” _You are a liar who is lying!_ “You’ve waited so much before, please, just _wait_ a little more.”

She didn’t respond.

Seth stared down at her as the sound of sirens was deafening now. There was a loud shout, the front door still open from the Geckos’ return. A paramedic team came in and Seth let them pull her from his grasp after crying over her and telling her corpse he loved her and he turned his head and saw Hope and his heart was broken by now but when he saw her little lip quiver his heart pummeled itself and jumped off a metaphorical cliff. 

His body weakly moved itself, shielding her mother from view as his bloody hands and arms wrapped around his beautiful little girl and picked her up as she cried and screamed in confusion.

They couldn’t do anything for her. Too much blood was lost.

He heard someone at the hospital joke that the funeral home wouldn’t have much draining to do and Seth beat the guy’s ribs in. He cried as he did it, Richie dragging him backwards down the hall.

Seth paid for the funeral with clean cash, not using any robbed money on his girl – no, not a fuckin’ dirty penny was spent on her. All clean, all done right. Her funeral was short and the list of attendees was shorter. He gave a broken eulogy, not liking the set of cops that showed up two-thirds of the way through. 

They didn’t make a move as she was lowered into the ground or even as things were cleaned up, but by the time they went to – Seth and Hope Gecko were both gone, as was Richie. The three went to Eddie’s, Seth dropping her off there.

“I’m not a damn babysitter, Seth!” Eddie whisper-yelled, watching Hope hug her worn out rabbit close to her, her eyes sad. “She’s your kid.”

“I don’t want her in on this. My world’s no place for a kid.”

“Why’d you have one, then?” Eddie questioned, watching Seth shrug tiredly. “You’ll visit the kid, right? I don’t want her growin’ up like someone I know. No father-“

“I’ll drop by.”

“Dropping by isn’t good enough.” Eddie scowled, watching the boy he had raise stare at him. “Make an effort.”

“I will.” Seth sounded on the verge of tears. “You’re her safest bet, thank you.”

He gave Hope a _“Love you, baby-girl”_ and a kiss to her forehead before he left. He probably shouldn’t have left so soon after, but he didn’t know any better.

He didn’t deserve Hope, never did. Never deserved that sweet little girl that looked so much like him but acted so much like _her_ that it hurt.

Every time he saw her, a knife felt like it was twisting into his heart. So, he stayed away for longer periods of time, but that never helped. 

Seth would ask people sometimes… _“How do you stop thinking about someone you loved, and still love, when they’re gone?”_ and he always got the same reply in response; “You don’t.”

So, he made his own solution.

Seth Gecko became a man with hard eyes and an even harder heart – can’t break it if it’s made of stone, right? _Wrong._

_Anything can break if enough pressure is applied._

But he knew that. He always had.

He broke _her,_ after all.

**Author's Note:**

> well fuck im so sorry go watch something that makes you happy holy shit


End file.
